Out living again!
I’m two months into Xeloda and things are going quite well— so well that this past weekend Nate, Bernie, and I were able to drive to Sunriver, Oregon, for my dear friend Grace’s wedding. I’m thankful for my inch-long head of hair as it has given me back a healthful demeanor. Nate and I had to continuously pinch ourselves throughout the weekend to make sure the pool-side hangs, mingling with friends along the Deschutes, and dancing with our unmasked faces were real life. Getting to spend quality time with seven of my closest childhood friends who are scattered around the country and globe today was extremely healing. We relived memories from our wild child days over beignets and shared stories of how our partners proposed. For five days this cancer nightmare that has unraveled over the past year disappeared into the ether.
Before traveling to Oregon, I had the good fortune of flying to North Carolina and spending two weeks back home with my family. I met my nephew Declan, now 18 months old, for the first time. I whipped up a triple-layer chocolate vegan cake to celebrate my brother-in-law’s birthday, and I swam alongside my dad in the 70-degree ocean on Father’s Day. My sister Kristin and I took her two boys on a hike down a boardwalk trail on the sound one day. I had a chance to share the magic of wetlands with my 3-year-old nephew Matthew, pointing out the tiny crabs and emphasizing the importance of sediment and freshwater in keeping those wetlands healthy. My mom, Doug, and I had a few pool-side meals at the Pine Knoll Shores country club while we watching egrets hunt as the sun went down. Of course, it wouldn’t be a trip home without sharing the occasional sci-fi flick with my dad. And yes, I promised to keep an eye out for Bigfoot the next time I’m camping on the West Coast.
I was able to tack on a few days at the end of my trip to spend some time in Raleigh, which holds a special place in my heart. My little brother Michael, who is no longer very little, took me and my friend Taylor around NC State’s campus one day and humored us as we dragged him around to our old digs. It feels like a million years ago and simultaneously last week since I was a college student at State. I wasn’t able to make Michael’s graduation last May because I was recovering from my double mastectomy, so it felt very special to get a tour of Centennial Campus from him, where he carried out most of his engineering coursework and research. Michael showed me the prosthetic leg that he and his classmates built (!!) and the obstacle courses they made to test it out. He’s already a year into his graduate program in engineering, despite having just finished undergrad. Can you tell I’m a little proud of him? I brought some friends over to his apartment one night and we shared a 3-hour meal with Michael and his girlfriend Sarah. It felt so special to spend time with them while also taking a trip down memory lane at my alma mater. While in Raleigh I was able to see Taylor, Grace, Sarah, Daniel, Hannah and co., and most of their partners. There’s nothing like friends to heal a fractured soul.
I’m back in the Bay now settling into life again. While the Xeloda is going well overall it’s not without its side effects. During the 14 days on of each cycle, I’ve found the first 3ish days I’m next to comatose. I’ll sleep for 12 hours a night and need to nap for 5 during the day. My feet and hands begin burning around day 7 and don’t stop until day 16 or 17. My fingers and toes become pretty swollen and sore, and sometimes one or two digits get very fat and inflamed. I’ve had low-level nausea on and off, and some GI-issues that come with it. There are stints of sleepless nights where insomnia takes over and bouts of fatigue-ridden days unlike any Ive experienced. I’ve had one dose reduction and may ask for another one at my next appointment.
While I am grateful to be traveling and seeing family and friends, my body is constantly reminding me I’m not out of the woods yet. But I’ll gladly take the wins where I can.
Two months down, four to go!
